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Question
My 6-year-old is a highly sensitive kid who often experiences big feelings. Lately, he’s taken to throwing things when he’s angry. We’ve talked about how destructive behavior is not okay and have discussed things he can do what he is feeling angry, such as deep breathing, screaming into a pillow, hitting his punching bag, stomping his feet, etc. But when the big feelings are felt in the moment, he seems only to want to cause destruction. What else can we do to help him through these moments of intense anger?
Answer
Thank you for your question! First and foremost, kudos to you for providing your son with some options to help him through his big feelings. It definitely takes time, but it sounds like you are off to a great start.
Secondly, I want to say that being sensitive is such an amazing trait. Too often young children who are sensitive, especially boys, may be labeled as over-sensitive. But don’t let this fool you. In time and with nurturing, yours on will build the tools to better cope with his strong emotions and be very well attuned to how others are feeling. In fact, highly sensitive children are more than likely to become happy, successful adults.
This is not to say that there are not frustrating moments when you feel your child is not handling his feelings in the most constructive way. The good news is that sensitive kids are most responsive to and have the most to gain from your support and encouragement. So let’s start with some tips.
Name the Emotions
Start having conversations with your son about different emotions—both positive emotions and negative emotions. Have this conversation when he is feeling calm and ready to talk. Work with him to recognize all the different emotions people feel and inquire how he is feeling throughout the day, even when he is in the best mood. Name your emotions and discuss how you are feeling as well. This can be a good starting point for teaching him how to regulate how he’s feeling.
Show Empathy
Showing your son empathy when he’s feeling upset is an important component of his learning to regulate his emotions. By reflecting your son’s emotions through ongoing conversations, when he’s both upset and happy, you are teaching him that his feelings are justified. You are there to support him. And by modeling empathy, you are teaching empathy, which may support him in handling tough situations.
Practice Mindfulness
Find ways to practice mindfulness with your son. Build this into your practice, something you two do together every day. Once it’s a routine, this could be something he turns to when feeling those big emotions. There are many books for children and adults on mindfulness techniques, and you can find resources online as well.
Thank you again for sharing your question. You are on the right track. Be sure to continue empowering him—and remember, Via The Village is here for you!
